Unbridled Narcissism September 14, 2006

Living with the Roommate hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. For one, she has surprisingly maintained a respectable distance from my boyfriend, which means that I haven’t had to rip her shiny black hair out (yet). Also, it’s nice to come home and have someone to drink with because, you know, drinking alone has such a stigma attached to it.

However, her narcissism, it knows no bounds. I have never met someone more self-involved or egotistical in my entire life. And I work in TV.

Our conversations go something along the lines of:

Clink: Oh, so the Boy said the cutest thing the other day. We were talking about how much our single friends struggle with finding someone and he goes, “I’m so lucky that I’ve already found the perfect girl.” Isn’t that so sweet?

Roommate: That’s so funny! Because the other night I was at this bar and this guy was like, totally checking me out and finally he comes over to me and is like “wow, you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in this city.”

Clink: Heh. Uh, that’s funny. But really has nothing to do with—

Roommate: Yeah, so me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me.

Clink: Actually I —

Roommate: Did you say something? Anyway, me me me. MEEEEEE!!! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME. Me. Me.

Roommate: More me.

Roommate: Even more me.

Clink: I give up.

Roommate: Yeah, so me. An unbelievable amount of ME.

Clink: (Chugs wine, contemplates suicide.)

She’s very fond of herself, brought about by the lethal combination of being relatively attractive and an only child. The world revolves around her and her unparalleled beauty, DUH.

Every day she has a new story about which guy at work wants her, which one of her many male friends wants her, which random dude who checked her out while she was crossing the street TOTALLY WANTS HER.

In fact she is currently embroiled in drama with her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend because she can’t handle the fact that a new girlfriend means her ex MAY NOT TOTALLY WANT HER. Her ex-boyfriend, whose heart she broke into about five million little pieces by dumping him after he had flown 3,000 miles across the Atlantic to visit her while we were studying abroad, I might add.

He eventually picked up the pieces and met a nice, pretty, HUMBLE girl who he has been dating for a few months. Well, Roommate is having NONE of that, because according to the laws of Roommate’s universe, all men should be pining after her and HER ALONE and ex-boyfriends are most certainly NOT allowed to move on. If they do, the world may actually just stop spinning and THEN what?

So now she is intent on breaking up his perfectly balanced relationship by writing her ex-boyfriend emails about the “big mistake” she made and how she still thinks about him “all the time.”

When I asked her whether or not she wanted to get back together with him, she shrugged and giggled an evil giggle and said, “Not really. But fucking with him is kind of fun. He basically still does whatever I want, nothing has changed.”

She has already booked a flight to visit him in London (where he is working temporarily) in October under the pretense of “a much-needed getaway, and London was the cheapest airfare.” Which, of course, is bullshit.

Sigh. I didn’t think it was possible for someone like that to exist either, until we moved in together and I got a front row seat to the Unbridled Narcissism Show.

But other than all that she’s actually pretty fun! No really! I mean, whatever! I don’t have to drink alone! That counts for something, right? Right? RIGHT?