You ride the 7 train this morning, feeling grey and stormy on a perfectly bright day. You choose Aimee Mann, because she understands.
The man standing above where you’re sitting looks down at you and says, “Smile, it can’t be that bad.”
Last night you were at his apartment for three hours, twiddling your thumbs, waiting for him to come home. Relationships take sacrifice, you reminded yourself while absently flipping through last month’s GQ and paying partial attention to the Yankee game.
He called at 12:30am, later than usual.
“I’m on my way. It was a three and a half hour game,” he said. You heard cars in the background.
“I know. I saw it.” You couldn’t hide the bitter. You hung up and rolled onto your side, stared at the wall.
When he arrived, you feigned sleep. You didn’t know why, it just seemed easier. He crawled into bed and gently woke you up with soft strokes of your hair and soft kisses on your cheek.
“Hi there,” he said.
He apologized for being so late and told you that after work (in the Bronx) and before coming home (to Queens) he made a stop at his office (in Manhattan, a whole seven blocks away from your apartment building.)
He had to pick something up, something he could’ve picked up today – his day off – but he didn’t want to risk an office mix-up, a mistake that would mean he had to chase after the important package.
You immediately shut down. It was close to 1am and you were tired and your boyfriend just told you that he made a pit stop in your borough meaning that you could’ve stayed at your place and had a drink with your friends and cuddled up in your bed while waiting for him.
The fact that he didn’t call you, to tell you? Even if it was perhaps too late to change course because you were already in Queens? Set off your internal Is My Boyfriend a Lying, Inconsiderate Bastard? Radar. You’ve had some experience with lying, inconsiderate bastards before. Your radar is very finely tuned.
“I didn’t want to upset you. I knew you’d be mad,” was his excuse. “I figured it was just easier to explain once I got home.”
All of a sudden, to borrow a word from him, you found yourself “escalating” the situation. Calling into question the entire relationship, as you are wont to do when it is late and you are tired and angry.
“What else do you not tell me about because you’re afraid I’ll be pissed?”
Suddenly you were in a full blown fight about trust. He let it slip that, if there’s anyone that’s been shady in the relationship, it’s been you. You, he said, the one who was “overly friendly” with your ex at the housewarming party last weekend.
Yes, he opened that can of worms, though you were secretly proud of him for opening up and letting it out. You prepared yourself for a long night. And tears. You ended up speaking in elevated tones, using a smattering of curse words and empty threats, until 3:30am.
This morning, you both woke up with aching heads. The pounding still hasn’t subsided. You’re drinking espresso, which probably doesn’t help. You’re still hurting, even though he gently shook you awake at 5am and said “I love you, this is stupid.” Even after you exchanged some smiles before you left for work and promised to be better at taking each others feelings into consideration.
You know this isn’t a big deal. This is not (or shouldn’t be) relationship-threatening. But still, you find yourself almost looking forward to the fact that he will be traveling almost all of October. You look forward to focusing on yourself and taking a step back from a relationship that has become the center of your world and has the ability to turn you into a puddle at the slightest negative turn of events.
You think that perhaps you should re-arrange some priorities. You think that perhaps the two of you need to discuss some things. You think that perhaps this whole thing will be good for your relationship, in the long run.
You think that perhaps you could use a nap right about now.
I’m sorry you had such a rough night. I hate the next mornings. You feel emotionally bad enough and get pummeled with physically feeling and looking like shit. It sucks.
First of all, you both need some time to yourself, you need to have a life outside of the Boy. If you are going to spend every night with him, why aren’t you still living together? and this schlepping back and forth between apartments is just stupid and probably risky from a safety perspective. Just tell him your not comfortable spending time alone at his apartment and that if he is going to be late, then he needs to come to your place. It really is inconsiderate of him to make you wait alone at his apartment, when he knows he is going to get home late.
I am a big proponent of staying home when you need sleep. So what if his feelings would have been hurt? You need sleep. Sleep prevents arguments like this.