There’s tension in my jaw, which is currently giving me a headache, which is currently preventing me from concentrating on work.
This is new to me. I’ve never really “stored stress” anywhere. But there it is. Right there, in the joint of my jaw, a constant, aching reminder of the things that have been on my mind lately.
I’m self-medicating with Tylenol because, well, not having health insurance is awesome. I’m also concentrating hard on not clenching or grinding because, well, that’s what got me into this situation in the first place.
Last night, the Boy taught me some proven techniques (read: made them up on the spot), including relaxing my entire face and making an “uhhhhhhhhh” sound.
“Do you feel the vibrations?”
“No.”
“You’re not trying hard enough, Clink. Do it with me. UHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”
“Uhhh. It’s not working. Uhhh. It kind of hurts. Uhhh. Can we stop now? Uhhh. It’s 2am.”
I thought working out would take care of anything I’ve been keeping pent up; apparently I am not working out hard enough.
Things that are pent-up:
-I deserve a raise at my job. That much is clear as day. They low-balled me when I started almost a year ago and I feel that I have proven myself to the point that I deserve to make what everyone else who shares my job title is making. Perhaps even more. Because I am Special and Deserving and Good Things Happen To Me.
-I’m making a lot of sacrifices lately, for the Boy. I’ve been sacrificing my time (by taking 40 minute subway rides out to see him), my social life (by not going out with friends in order to take a 40 minute subway ride that will get me to his place at a reasonable hour so that I am not heart poundingly terrified as I walk the dark streets to his building, even though he won’t come home until a few hours later), my health (going to Queens means not going to the gym) (also, him not coming home from work until 1am means sayonara, good night’s sleep). This is all temporary. This is all the result of a very busy time at his job. Still, this is all really annoying.
-There is a “situation” in Greece and by “situation” I mean evil, horrible people trying to sue my 84 year old grandmother for a piece of my uncle’s estate, from everything from the house and the land surrounding it to his WWII-era army jeep which barely runs but which we keep parked on the property anyway because it feels like a little piece of him. The legal system in Greece is atrocious, legal fees are mounting, my grandmother barely eats anymore and fuck you, where were you people when he was sick and dying? You find out the value of his estate and all of a sudden he was a very important person in your life? All of a sudden he would “want you to be taken care of”?
I thought getting the aggression out would take care of itself by working out and writing in a journal and talking it out with the Boy. But, as it turns out, this is all still stressing me out. A lot.
I know because my jaw tells me so.
Sure it’s not wisdom teeth?
Oh no! I can relate, I’ve had one of those weeks as well. Yoga always seems to help me, it takes some work to calm yourself down enough to focus, but once you do, the benefits are amazing.
So Yoga or wine, wine is always, always good - I’m going to be having a lot of wine tonight since tomorrow night I will be in a cabin for three days with my future in-laws. So wine tonight.
I’m sorry, this was not about me
Hang in there Clink!
About the raise; if you don’t ask for it they probably won’t figure out that you are unhappy. Don’t be afraid to ask for a reasonable increase, they will respect you for it.
I have had the jaw pain before too, but only once and I can’t remember if it was stress-related. Can you please motivate me to go to the gym?
Why are you going to his apartment when he’s not there? I think he should be coming to you. Or is it the roommate thing?
TMJ. Go see your dentist and receive treatment. You might have to pay 500 bucks, but it’s so worth it. Jaw pain is the worse.