Living with someone whose behavior plays to your very own longstanding insecurities is not ideal. You know, just in case you were wondering or something.
My roommate just returned from London, where her ex-boyfriend is living temporarily, where she did her best to ruin his current relationship, where she attempted to regain his attention so that she could again revel in having him yearn for her, where she could be around someone who is a professional at feeding her starving ego.
I, in case you were wondering, do not approve of her behavior.
She hooked up with him. It’s not the fact that it happened that shocks me, as I know it is rarely the fault of the ‘other woman’ when a man cheats. It’s more her astounding lack of guilt about the situation that doesn’t sit well. It’s the fact that she’s capable of, essentially, ruining a relationship and not feeling the slightest bit bad about it. It’s that she may, in fact, just be a bad person.
She even included the following line in an email to me this morning: “I’m such a little homewrecker, hahaha.”
It’s not as if she suddenly realized that she was in love with her ex and planned a trans-Atlantic trip in order to declare her realization face to face. It was more the fact that she doesn’t have anyone else in her life and therefore wants his attention again, to validate that she is, in fact, desirable to men – current girlfriend be damned.
Women like her make me scared of other women and what they are capable of.
My trust issues, of course, start to stir when I hear stories like this. I’m having a hard time indulging her when she talks about the trip and her ex and the sex. Truth be told, I’m having a hard time not ripping out her hair when she talks about the trip and her ex and the sex. Mainly because I know that his innocent girlfriend was – and still remains – blissfully unaware. I’m a girlfriend too and there’s definitely a sense of unity that comes with being part of a relationship. It makes you respect other people’s relationships and hate on obnoxious, self-centered whores. Like the one I live with.
Update: She won’t stop writing me emails about it. I won’t stop ignoring them. Another gem: “I know I have that power over him. Like, with the drop of a hat, he’ll always fall for me that way. It’s kinda cocky, but I know it.”
I’ve pretty much kept my mouth shut (hey Anonymous, I never said I was going to confront her about her choices), and will continue to. But the fact that from about 5pm until about 8pm tonight she will be alone in the apartment with my boyfriend, uh, doesn’t sit well.
You could tell her, outright, plain and simple, that you don’t approve and you think it was a shitty thing for her to do.
I wonder how she would respond to that?
I have lived through a very similar situation and was honest with how i felt, and it didn’t go over well.
The friendship has never been repaired. “How dare I have morals”
So fucked up. No wonder you don’t want to bring your boyfriend around her.
Sorry, but it’s really not your business. How would you like it if she sat you down and said she didn’t approve of how needy and co-dependent you were with your boyfriend? That she thought it was “bad”? You’d tell her to fuck off I hope, which is what I hope she’d tell you if you attempted to tell her how to live her life.
Unless you really, really think she will come after your boyfriend. That changes everything.
If it makes you feel better, most guys probably think of her as a toy.
A lot of women try to fill their emotional needs and patch the holes in their self esteem with sex. It is one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high. There has to be something else in a relationship besides sex. An old joke that is repeated often among men is “for every good looking woman there is some man who is tired of screwing her”. Don’t get me wrong, sex is great, but there has to be more!
SCARY.
You need a nanny (roomie) cam, pronto.
Just be happy that you aren’t that kind of person.
Shit, I rather be co-dependent than a whore.
What I would worry about? Being guilty by association since you live with her.
This ex-boyfriend of hers must be loving this, she flew at her expense to London to screw him. What a dumbass, the guy gets laid on her nickel. She is more hung up on this guy than she is letting on!
She’s slutty. I sure can understand where your insecurity stems from. It’s not that you don’t trust your boyfriend. It’s more that you don’t want to give her the open opportunity to be around The Boy. Although I have difficulty with this myself, (I know this post of yours is old, but I’m sure a similar situation will come up with you and your now fiance in the future because life is filled with women in the office, unfortunately) you need to be, to ACT, VERY confident, even if you’re not and, even if it nearly kills you. Otherwise, I hate hate hate to say this, you will look very unattractive in his eyes. Oh, another thing… I can guarantee he probably worries about you and the guys you interact with on a daily basis quite a bit. Guys just don’t let on as much. SO… take comfort in that thought before you begin your life-long journey of company parties, babies, younger women prancing ’round the streets of NY, and retirement. I give you this advice, but at the same exact time, give myself the same advice. Clink, you are therapeutic… please return!