I was in rare form last night.
I made a beeline for the Boy’s bed the minute I entered his apartment and didn’t move from it (except to go to the bathroom because I am drinking gallons of water y’all) until 9 o’clock this morning. Most of that time was spent moaning and groaning, and not in a good way. I felt like a seventy five year old who had just completed the New York City marathon, except with more aching muscles and less of a feeling of accomplishment.
I was a disaster, stripped down to my underwear and a ratty “[Redacted] University Freshman Orientation 1999!” tee-shirt (an extra small, as those were the gloriously naïve pre-freshman fifteen days). My hair stuck out in a mess of unflattering (and gravity-defying) directions and I somehow lost one of my beloved gold leaf earrings somewhere between Manhattan and Queens and was too lazy to take off the other one.
A mess.
The thing about my boyfriend is that he thinks that Mess Me is just the cutest, hottest thing ever. Which works out quite well, actually, as Mess Me has been making frequent appearances as of late.
As I moaned and groaned my way into an upright position for a trip to the bathroom, he looked me up and down and said, as if it were a simple fact and not wildly sensational bullshit, “You’re so sexy.”
I laughed. (And then grabbed my back because the simple act of laughing created the feeling of being stabbed with fifty swords by a sadistic, maniacal samurai.)
“No really, Clink. You look hot. You may be feeling Minnesota, but you look California.”
Which I thought was a genius statement until he told me it was a line from a song and while he’s a pretty smart fella, he’s not that clever and “omigod, you were like ELEVEN YEARS OLD when that song came out, no wonder it went over your head.”
Lots of props (and an authentic 90’s flannel shirt!) to whoever can guess which song from which band he paraphrased.
(But really? Isn’t my boyfriend awesome? He’s so awesome. He makes me feel sexy when I’m feeling seventy five years old and what more could I really ask from a significant other than that?)
gosh that song brings back memories. I was just blossoming… and a boy I had a crush on introduced me to it. It was his favorite band at the time!
I’ll leave it to someone else to guess, tho.
Hope you’re ok. I went to the gyno today for the first time in… er… years. Ack! It’s terrible that we have to rely so heavily on our employers to give us health insurance in this country. It’s crazy.
Answer: yes.
He’d be a lot more awesome in my book if he would take you to the doctor. If your in that much pain why isn’t he coming to your apartment? Oh by the way, The band was Soundgarden and the song was Outshined.
He sounds like a good one. Pls. to share.
Dude, I think you might have a kidney stone.
i’m going to ask, how the fuck did u miss that one. Cmon ur only a year younger than me and i rocked Soundgarden like it was going outta style. You play your age up a little too much. You’re 24 not 5.
Clink, you’ve got some meanies reading. At least I think so. You’re Boy is SO FREAKING CUTE!
that’s what good bfs do…say that we’re hot when we look like crap
Anon - Just because you were rocking Soundgarden back then doesn’t mean that I was. I may have seen the video for Black Hole Sun a few times but did I memorize every one of their fucking lyrics? Nope. So fuck off.
My prior post was not really about Soundgarden. My point was that you blather on about how your “boy” is so old and how you are so not and it gets ridiculous. You make yourself out like you’re a fresh newborn but at 24, you’re really not even close. I am 25 and dating someone 10 years older than myself so I can relate age is sometimes a laughable issue at points but the consistent reference to how YOUNG you are and how OLD he is gets tiring. You post this publicly. Don’t get your panties in a bunch if, once in a blue moon, a reply isn’t filled with inane praise about how clever you are and how great your boy is.