I felt like myself last night, for the first time in a long time. It was me, the real me, not some angsty, bitter, borderline depressed imposter, who sat across a table at a restaurant with an old friend, who watched Top Chef and flipped through magazines with my roommate, who laid in bed talking with the Boy until 2am.
I was laughing for real. In the midst of everything going wrong (financially, professionally and health-related), that constitutes a whole lot of progress in my book.
In other, semi-related, good news, yesterday I ran into a former co-worker on the way to work. We walked a few blocks together and, knowing that she’s a yoga teacher and a huge proponent of holistic medicine, I mentioned the pain in my lower back.
“You’ve been worried about money, haven’t you?” were the first words out of her mouth.
“Well…yeah. I mean, it’s almost Christmas and my rent doubled a few months ago. I think it’s safe to say that it has definitely been on my mind. A lot.”
“Clink, you need to acknowledge that you’re scared about money and then release the fear and the stress. Otherwise you’re going to be plagued by back problems. Your lower back is your support, and when you feel like you’re not supported financially, it tends to give out.”
Later on, I decided that, however hokey and new-agey it was, it couldn’t hurt to at least try what she recommended. So I acknowledged that yes, I’m worried about my finances and yes, I’m worried about losing my job and yes, working with a blade over my head for the past few months has caused me stress.
When the Boy asked me how my back was, later on in the evening, I realized I hadn’t even thought about it. Because it was no longer hurting. Sure, there was, and still is, a slight pull that hasn’t completely disappeared but I am no longer hobbling around, moaning at the pain caused by the slightest shift.
Coincidence, perhaps. But I chose to believe otherwise.
Frreeeeakkyyyy.
Maybe she zapped you with her freaky yoga sorcery powers when you weren’t looking?
Just for argument’s sake, let’s say you update your resume and maybe send it out a few places… what’s the worst that could happen? You might have a backup in case you do lose your job, or, at the very least, you’d be ready (with the updated resume and all) to start looking again.
I promise I’ll drop it now. You’ve just got us all worried about you!
I also used to be plagued by lower back pain, and interestingly enough, it started when I got fired from a job and started a new one. The pain was constant, the smallest movement or laugh & the pain would pierce me, it was the craziest thing. After a few months at my new job, which was also in a new city, after I started get the swing of things my back “went out” when I was in the shower….like, completely out, a snapping feeling, to the point I couldn’t pull up my pants–I was completely immobilized for an entire weekend. But after 3 days of bedrest, the pain was completely gone and hasn’t been back since….like it needed to get to that point to get better. I hope that you don’t get to that point, but the pain lessening sounds like a good sign.