-The new job. I’m a self-questioner. “Am I doing this right?” “Do they hate me?” “Are they going to fire me?” “Should I be doing more?” “Did my boss see me reading a blog when she walked by?” I’m a Libra; decisions are hard. Whenever I make one, I have the uncanny ability to convince myself that it was the wrong one until it ultimately proves to be the right one. It is fucking exhausting.
-M’s book release. Recently moved up a month due to high demand because WHAT UP, ROCK STAR BOYFRIEND. He’s a bundle of anxiousness and excitement and I’m right there with him. He tends to be a bit pessimistic so the optimist in me has been working overtime, urging him to “think positive!” because I am not only a girlfriend but also a self-help motivator! Two for the price of one!
-The fact that she and I still haven’t spoken. I’m trying to let it go, I am, but I still catch myself feeling like a bad person. Our lives will be forever intertwined as we both have the same group of friends and, since I’m not willing to cut everyone out, it is impossible to drop just her. Just next month, we’ll both be at the same engagement party and just the thought of that has me coming up with believable excuses as to why I can’t attend, even though I’ve already RSVP’d. It shouldn’t be like this.
-Cadbury Crème Eggs.
-Weddings. Specifically: cost of. M casually mentioned the other day that a couple thousand from his book advance should cover it. I snorted my Diet Coke in exasperation and then promptly ran a google search for “average cost of weddings.” Answer? $30,000. That’s when M snorted his Diet Coke and playfully inquired as to whether or not the tradition of the bride’s family paying for the wedding still stands.
-This leads me to: saving money. I just don’t understand how people do it. When I was working at my father’s law firm one summer, he sent me to the bank to deposit a check into his personal account. The receipt I was given included the total amount of money in the account and I practically keeled over as the number was unfathomable to me. I remember walking into my father’s office afterwards and demanding a BMW. (He never sent me to the bank again). I was seventeen then and thought that, surely, by twenty-five I’d at least have some money stowed away. HA. I justify my meager saving’s account by the high price of rent and living in New York City. “If I were anywhere else…” But I know it’s not the truth. Even if I were residing and working in the country’s lowest cost of living town, I’d still buy shoes and jeans and $4 worth of Starbucks a day.
-Did I already mention Cadbury Crème Eggs? Because I could totally go for one right now.
I just started saving. It’s hard, but I know it will be worth it. Also, I did that keep the change thing with my debit card so every purchase gets rounded up and the balance goes into checking. (Spend $4.25 on a latte, 75 cents go into savings.) It sounds small, but it adds up and the bank matches it for awhile. It’s like free money!
PS- I am counting on Michael’s grandmother to come through with some magic wedding money. He is the only grandchild afterall. Is it bad that she doesn’t know my plan yet?
I, on the other hand, can’t understand how people don’t save. Especially when you can have money automatically pulled from your paycheck into a savings account. As much as I like to buy things, it would make me so terribly uncomfortable not to know I had some reserve in case something happened (much more so than not having a pair of shoes I really really want).
Saving money sucks. Especially with the lure of my morning and afternoon Starbucks. Seriously, if I cut that out, I could probably buy a place next year.