Built to last. May 21, 2007

It’s hard to discuss my relationship with my sister without giving 21 years of backstory.  
 
In sum, I know her better than anyone else. For better, or worse. 
 
We’re complete opposites, both physically and emotionally. Sometime after I went to college (and, not coincidentally I’m sure, the same time we stopped sharing a bathroom), we forged a pretty tight bond. We don’t speak every day and we certainly don’t agree on everything but we’re close. There for each other. Supportive.  
 
Which, of course, is why she can hurt me more than anyone else can. 
 
My sister has a history of hitting below the belt. She is analytical and whip-smart and knows exactly what buttons to push and how exactly to push them in order to maximize effectiveness. If she’s angry, if she’s hurt, if she’s vulnerable, she aims for the jugular. And, while she’s certainly going to be a great litigation lawyer some day, being in her line of fire can make even the strongest man or woman cower in a corner and beg for mercy. 
 
The fact that she’s model-gorgeous just adds to the effect. 
 
She was in a snippy mood all this past weekend. I understood, to a degree. Emotions, coupled with the difficult task of coordinating 20 relatives in town for the event, were running high.  
 
However, we were all having a great time at dinner on Saturday night until a few of my aunts brought up my impending engagement. They asked me when I thought it would happen and what type of ring I wanted. I answered them enthusiastically (the best way to get me to smile these days is to bring up any of the following words: “engagement,” “ring,” “wedding.”)  
 
My sister, in front of the entire table, rolled her eyes and commented that the engagement was all I could talk about (not true! I can also speak extensively about shoes and my new favorite restaurant.)Then, in her most biting tone, she said “I mean, you’re not even engaged yet. And who knows if you will be. I mean, who knows how long you and M will last?” (Apropos of nothing, mind you, as she loves M and knows that we are a strong couple.)  
 
Everyone was momentarily shocked before my father made a witty comment and all was soon forgotten by everyone but me. To be honest, it’s not the most horrible thing she’s ever said to me. However, it hurt right down to my core. This is my sister, this is my future maid of honor, this is someone who is supposed to be excited about me getting engaged just as I am excited beyond words for her to start the post-college chapter of her life. The fact that she was so venomous and dismissive had me fighting back tears.  
 
She hasn’t apologized, and she won’t. She’s stubborn and prideful and is used to everyone just forgiving her and moving on so as to keep the peace in the family. As much as I am adamant about standing my ground at the moment, I know that there will come a time when I will cave and forgive, if not forget.  
 
But right now, it’s still hurtful. My parents have assured me that it comes from a place of jealousy and that she didn’t really mean it and that she’s still young. All true, but not enough to make me shrug and say “you’re right, silly me, I shouldn’t be so upset.” At least not yet. 
 
I hate to paint a negative picture of her because in many ways, she’s so amazing. She’s smart and witty and sophisticated and gorgeous and many other positive adjectives. She just also happens to be a bitch sometimes.  
 
The truth is, I can’t wait until M and I do get engaged and then married and then pregnant and then and then and then…Because I hope that one day, when she and I are in our eighties and I’m still happily married to M, I will be lucid enough to remember and then turn to her and say, “what was that about M and I not lasting?”