I wasn’t going to post today but fuck those french fries. They no longer deserve to sit there at the top of the blog and tempt me, all “look at me in all my fried delicious glory, I would taste so awesome in your mouth.” Which, they would. But they wouldn’t look so awesome on my ass, which is the whole point.
Today officially begins Operation: Buff Bride. There’s no more fooling around. No more “I want Mr. Softee!” or “yeah, I’ll order Mexican food with you, Roommate” or “can I have the chicken parm, please?” There’s no more eating like I’m a 90 pound refugee who has been living on berries and twigs for the better part of a year and needs to put on weight – stat.
I will now forget that Chipotle exists one block from my new office (mostly by chanting to myself while rocking back and forth “Chipotle does not exist. Chipotle does not exist.”) I will now forget how delicious things that are fried or covered in frosting taste. I will now forget that there are unhealthy options out there. In Clink’s world, only vegetables and fruits and lean proteins exist. Oh, and 90-calorie Special K bars because hi, they’re awesome, and only 90 calories.
It hit me yesterday, while sitting in church. (No, the white light of God did not come down, strike me and call me a fat ass in the middle of the service. Though, that would probably whip me into shape – hey God, are you there? It’s me Clink.)
It’s the church where I will get married. One year and two days from today, I will walk down that aisle in a white (hi, unforgiving!) dress and I will marry Mr. Awesome and it will be glorious. It will, however, be even more glorious if I am svelte and confident.
The church is perfect – tucked away on a quiet Manhattan street, with a beautiful garden and a down-to-earth priest who agreed to do the ceremony in English because he wants M and I to “understand what you’re getting into.”
My mom and my grandmother and my second mother (my mom’s best friend) came into the city yesterday so that we could attend a service, get a feel for the church, meet the priest and – mainly – make sure it was air-conditioned.
I’m not a church-goer. I have a complicated relationship with religion, especially a religion that dictates that I am not allowed to cross my legs because it is offensive to God. However, I felt warm the minute I walked in. The people, the church itself, the location – it all felt right. Felt like the perfect place to begin a marriage. I can’t wait to bring M there.
I also can’t wait to watch the weight just fall off (because that’s how it will happen, right? All quick and easy-like?). My sister, who has always been slim, has gotten down to a size that doesn’t really exist because doesn’t zero essentially mean air? Nothing? Anyway, she looks great. And she feels great. She’s working out all the time and eating smaller portions and essentially doing what they tell you to do in lieu of the quick-fixes because hey! The quick-fixes and crash diets don’t work!
I want to look and feel great – especially on my wedding day. I don’t want to be covering up or hiding or posing a certain way so my arms look thinner. I want to feel comfortable from every angle. I want my only physical concern to be my hair and my make-up and whether or not I break out in hives like I did before my senior prom.
So, Operation: Buff Bride. It’s, almost, a year before the big day which means there’s plenty of time for me to do it right. I don’t have to starve myself like I did before Vegas. I’m going to see if there’s some truth to this “eat right and exercise” thing.
And, fear not, I’m sure I’ll be posting photos (from the nose down!) of my progress. Bet you can’t wait to see my guns, eh? Because, oh, THERE WILL BE GUNS! (But lovely, feminine guns!)
Update: Y’all, there is another page on the blog, where I will be documenting everything I put in my mouth from now until the wedding. Seriously. I need to be accountable to someone and who better than my awesome readers? Feel free to start your own. This could be Operation: Hot Bloggers or something like that. Besides, I need the damn support. Lord knows my willpower is about as strong as a piece of Scotch tape.
ha! You can’t believe everything the yia yias say. I got the story that you shouldn’t cross your legs (or put your hands in your pockets) because it was too casual in God’s house. For some reason it was ok to cross ankles, but not over the knee. If that helps. Different perspectives. Glad you found one you like! And, crowns!
Can operation buff bride come with motivational updates? That way those loyal readers can HOPEFULY lose all of their unwanted weight too? We can be a team!!!!
Good for you, Clink - this sounds like an infinitely more reasonable approach than the pre-Vegas plan - and I definitely agree with Sasharay - we need to be a team - after all, my M hasn’t asked yet (but here’s hoping) - and if he does, I’m of the same mind as you - no trying on gowns until I’m happy with my body - and really, isn’t the gown supposed to be the most fun part?
I hope your motivation rubs off on me. I don’t want to go through workout binges anymore. I want to be buff! And fit! All the time! Gah. If you can do it, I can do it. Right??
Hey, have you ever heard of http://www.fitday.com? It’s a website where you enter in what you eat, and it puts everything into carbs, fat, and protein graphs, so you can really break down what you’re eating. It can also keep track of your exercise and whether you’re meeting your weight loss goals. It’s a little time consuming, but I found it fun to see everything in charts and graphs. Just a suggestion. Good luck on becoming a buff bride!
OMG fitday is SO addicting. I actually had to stop using it because I became obsessive. Beware!
You go lady! I am seriously impressed but after reading your blog I have a feeling that you’ll do great. But 1 whole year??? You’re gonna cheat just a bit, right??
I agree with Molly in that food journaling can become addictive, so beware. I wrote down everything I ate for a year and the number of calories in it and how many calories I burned if I worked out that day. Then I had a place where I wrote the TCI (Total caloric intake. I’m, like, so smart.) for each day. It can be exhausting, but it does keep you honest. I’d suggest not doing it on the weekend though. I used to allow myself one cheat day when I ate whatever I felt like. I’m a big believer in eating what you want, even if it’s chocolate cake or something. It’s just all about moderation. So allow yourself treats occasionally or else you may go jump off the Brooklyn Bridge or something.
Have you by any chance seen the *book* buff brides? Back when I was engaged (shhhhhhhhhhhh, don’t tell anyone), I bought it. I haven’t talked to that guy since 2004, but I still use the book. It is AWESOME.
Maybe you can motivate me? Hell, I’ve got a little over 2 months (and my first fitting in less than a month!) and I can’t resist yummy temptations. I think my visions of being a svelte bride might need to be revised. I have that anxiety eating thing. It sucks.
In addition to fitday.com, be sure to check out http://www.sparkpeople.com googlemodules.com/module/616 http://www.diettelevision.com all super good sites
If they can do it… we can.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/diet.fitness/07/23/weightloss.sorrells/index.html
Best of luck! I recently made myself get serious about losing wait…I registered with my-calorie-counter online so I would have a place to record the stuff I am eating…