Confession: The first section I flip to in the Sunday Times is the weddings section.
M wonders why I bother, as I clearly must be a little masochistic to read about - and ultimately compare myself to - the Ivy League-educated brides and well-heeled grooms and the elaborate celebrations of marriages that will never know the meaning of the second half of “for richer or for poorer.”
My response is something along the lines of “yeah, yeah, I know…but omigod, baby, I have to tell you about this couple.”
I’ve become wedding drunk recently, which is a pleasant surprise. Between moving, and starting a new job and M starting law school, the wedding momentum had slowed and I had a slight fear that it would never pick up again. That I would become an apathetic bride, taking the opinions of others and making them my own just because it was easier, in general feeling a bit “meh” about the whole ordeal.
Ha. Silly me.
We went to Hooters for lunch today and, as M watched the Patriots on one of the non-plasma screens in the corner, every once in a while mumbling about the loss of his beloved DirecTV and thus the NFL Sunday Ticket due to the move, I pulled out my wedding notebook and started making lists: rehearsal dinner lists, to-do lists, shot lists for the photographer.
That got me to about halftime. And then I started to sketch bridesmaids dresses.
Ah, bridesmaids dresses. Before I got engaged, those two words would elicit a shudder from yours truly as I envisioned my own $400 Vera Wang bridesmaid gown rotting in the back of my closet, never to be worn again.
I’m serious. I cannot envision another time in my life when I will have an occasion to wear a floor-length, light pink gown in unflattering satin (Hi, I’m Satin and I’m going to showcase ALL THE BUMPS YOU MIGHT HAVE and I’ll maybe even showcase some new ones, you know, just for fun, MUAHAHAHA).
So, I am well-versed in the plight of the bridesmaid. I know what it’s like to be at the mercy of a bride with a vision and I’ve decided to make it as easy as possible on my girls. I want them to have a dress they can wear again - a night out, a cocktail party, something - and I want it to flatter their individual bodies. They’re all thin, they’re all gorgeous but the body types - ranging from reed thin to svelte curves - are varied.
That Vera Wang gown? The one I spent $400 on (sorry, I just need to state it again because $400? REALLY?)? It didn’t fit me well. You see, I have a chest. And a chest + low cut gown + too low cut for a strapless bra = necessary “pasties” and necessary “pasties” = fear of popping out at any moment and inadvertently stealing the bride’s thunder (unsurprisingly, M loved me in that dress so maybe some day it will be worn again, as very fucking expensive lingerie).
I was uncomfortable the whole evening in that dress, and therefore I didn’t have a blast. I had a decent time, when I wasn’t pulling and adjusting, but my mind was always on my chest instead of, you know, the wedding.
Therefore I’ve decided to find a line of gowns that come in the same color and fabric but different styles: halter, strapless, etc. In fact, I made an appointment in October for a few of the girls who live in the city to try on some dresses so that we can get the ball rolling. I don’t want them to look like an army of well-dressed handmaidens; I want them to look like individuals. Individuals in dresses that flatter their respective body types, something I wish my friend - when she was a bride - had taken into consideration.
I will probably turn into a minor bridezilla about a few other things but bridesmaids dresses isn’t going to be one of them. Besides, if my girls aren’t worried about how they look in their dresses, there will be more time for adoring me and isn’t that what the whole day is about! (I kid, I kid.)
So, I think I’ve got a healthy approach to the dresses but, if you’ve been a bridesmaid and you’ve got something to share with this bride - either something positive and sweet that you suggest I incorporate or a horror story - do share. I’ll file everything away into an “Unofficial Guide to Being a Bridesmaid-Friendly Bride.”
I absolutely love those lines of bridesmaids dresses. I was in a wedding once where I could pick my own dress and I thought it was brilliant. I was also in a wedding where we all wore the same dress, but we were all allowed to give input and we all looked amazing in that dress also, which was pretty brilliant. I think the key is to just make sure your girls have input and remembering that before you were the bride and they were the bridesmaids, you were friends first, and you’d probably like to maintain that relationship through the wedding insanity and beyond!
Also, I definitely have gone through cycles of wedding mania and complete apathy, so I think it’s only natural. Sometimes “real life” takes over for a while and there’s nothing wrong with not being wedding obsessed constantly! Good luck with the planning, it sounds like you have an awesome attitude!
I think that, in general, every possible step that can be taken to make bridesmaids look even hotter should be considered.
You know, for them.
I’ve been a bridesmaid a handful of times and if you are not, for lack of a better word, “married” to a color for the bridesmaid dresses, might I suggest black for the bridesmaids? Color can be added via a sash or bouquets of flowers and I can guarantee that your bridesmaids will wear a black dress again. Two of my brides were kind enough to select black and it was classy looking and I’ve worn both those dresses several more times.
Good idea for letting them pick their own style! I’d rather my bridesmaids look gorgeous so that they not only look good in pictures with me in them, but compliment my beautiful wedding! i do not understand the brides who make their bridesmaids wear horrid dresses so that they look the most beautiful.
Glad the wedding momentum has returned!! I won’t be there for a whiiiile (have to find a guy first!) but I had the scary responsibility to help an ex pick out engagement rings for his girlfriend today. Which got me looking at engagement rings wondering how it was that my playboy ex is getting engaged BEFORE ME which turned into me watching Bridezillas and platinum weddings and thinking i’m going to be an old spinster with dogs (instead of cats). I have issues.
Oh, you once asked about cute favor ideas…I am about 2 years late with my response but, well, i never said i was quick on the draw! I once got a CD with the bride and grooms favorite songs (that were also played at the wedding) and thought it was cute.
i love the idea of shorter dresses, either knee or calf length - they’re much more adaptable that way, and great b/c yours is a summer wedding. The different styles idea is one i totally agree with! Have you decided your colors yet?
Oh, Clink, what a timely request! I am recovering today from my friend’s bridal shower and also her bachelorette party. I am her Matron of Honor. I have a list for you, but it comes with a disclaimer. Your girls should love and adore you, and if you have a good attitude and are grateful(as my bride is), they should be willing to walk through fire for you (or, you know, pay for 50 people to eat chicken salad).
Unless you are choosing black dresses, you can scrap the whole idea of them wearing their dresses again. Sure, all the sweet brides say it- I said it (red satin dresses), my bride said it (brown satin dresses), it’s a beautiful thought. But even if they can pick the cut, and the fabric isn’t satin, you’re still picking the color, and it may not be a color they would wear again. Better to keep an eye on the total cost of ownership- dress, shoes, jewelry, any hair or nail appointments, etc. low.
When you ask your girls to participate in a work session (which is your total right), be ready for them. Be organized. Have a plan. Have a start time, a stop time and feed us if we’re missing a meal. We don’t mind giving you our time, but put it to good use. And feed us. Because hungry girls are bitchy.
Keep your family in line. If they want every second cousin and family member under 12 invited to your shower that the MOH throws you, ask them to either help with the planning (either through money, food, or offer of a venue), or throw you a separate shower. Remember that your MOH has her cost of ownership like the other girls, plus your shower.
Gifts. Tell your girls that you only need one gift, if they feel compelled to get you anything at all. They are going to be invited to every shower and party thrown for you, plus their other expenses.
Yep- this is all about money. Cause you’re a nice girl with a good attitude going in, so that’s really the only thing you might need any help on, and this is written by someone suffering the high costs of being the MOH RIGHT THIS MINUTE. The wedding is next Saturday.
Bonus- my bride (the loverly girl that she is) is making me take Friday off. She’s surprising me with something for my help. Which says a lot more than an engraved flask. Totally optional, but it makes the $800 chicken salad bill go down a little easier. So did the chardonnay at the bar later that night, so you’ll excuse me if I’m crabby.
First off, I found your website through http://www.thecompanybitch.com and I have been reading ever since. I think you write really well and enjoy your stories thoroughly.
I was just the maid of honour at my friend’s wedding this past summer - both in Bermuda and Canada. I have plenty of horror stories and advice but I’ll just choose one to share.
The bride was a bit bridezilla on us and had not only demanded, but instructed, the hairdressers at the salon to give us all the same hairstyle. Considering the fact that all the girls ranged in different nationalities, our hair structures were really different.
My advice is that if you are going with the notion to allow the ladies to pick their own dresses to match their individual tastes, try to do the same with hair/makeup.
I realize that this is a very trivial point to make but when half the bridesmaids came out of the salon not looking like the picture the bride pulled out of the wedding magazine, she was a bit iffed.
And so were we.
This sounds great - letting the girls choose different styles in the same shade. I think that will be really cute, and some may be able to use pieces of hte outfit for other things later on. I was able to reuse the shoes I bought for two weddings last fall and that was awesome.
I agree with Samantha. If you want them to be able to wear the dress again, let them have black dresses!
No dress comments from me. Hooters for lunch? Love that. Because, as we know, everyone goes to Hooters for the food.
my sister-in-law had us use lynn lugo for her wedding - she picked chocolate as the color, but we were free to do anything we wanted with the style of dress and the shoes.
http://www.lynnlugobridal.com/
http://www.lynnlugobridal.com/weddings/
ps. i loved my dress!!
http://bp2.blogger.com/_MD4vGZ8cx60/Rvc6wTfcnsI/AAAAAAAAAXg/fz7KYBofZ1A/s1600-h/J+&+K+Wedding+0581.JPG
I’ve gone through phases of apathy through the wedding process as well. It’s bound to happen with so much going on! I think it’s a self preservation thing otherwise you would go nuts. You can’t control everything (ha! the control freak saying that is quite funny) so choose a few things to place importance on and let the other stuff go. I’ve had a really hard time asking people to do tasks and now less than two weeks before? I’ve finally broken down and asked for help. And as countless wise, married friends have told me lately? Remember, everyone is there for you, it will all get done.
So excited to hear about more of your plans!
It’s so sweet that you’re taking all of this into consideration for your bridesmaids. All brides should be like that!
I’ve seen the same fabric/color with different style dresses at a few weddings before and think it’s a fabulous idea. Everyone has a different body type and you want the dresses to flatter everyone.
I like the black idea, but maybe if you didn’t want to do black but went shorter like Libby said it wouldn’t matter the color?
Good luck! Can’t wait to see what you choose!
I hated every dress I “had” to wear. I’m really glad you are being cool about the whole dress thing, a lot of brides go crazy with it!
Trust me when I say you are doing the right thing about the dresses… When I got married (which next month will be ONE year… YEAH!) I only had 2 girls with me… My Maid of Honor, and a Maitron of honor. We had a small wedding… I had chosen black as the color of their dresses since most girls have a black dress in their closet
My Maid of Honor actually had her sister’s wedding the weekend after mine… and her dresses were black! so it worked out perfectly. My maitron of honor wore something that she had worn at another date also…. It took SO much stress off me since they didn’t have to worry about fittings and all that FUN stuff. Good luck and congratulations!!!
Did you ever notice how much the words SATIN and SATAN resemble each other?
The different styles of dresses for different bodies is a fantastic idea. You want everyone to look gorgeous and be happy that they’re part of your celebration, not angry and stressed that they’ve spent a fortune on a dress that is completely unflattering!
I was maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding. Another bridesmaid felt she should have been the maid of honor, therefore made everything difficult by acting like a royal beyotch. She refused to try on her bridesmaid dress at our first fitting…it was a nightmare. She also told her brother [who was the best man...so my bridal party "partner"] that I said he was ugly and didn’t want to be paired up with him. Um, not the case. We had to have “wedding meetings” to discuss her attitude with her and the bride almost kicked her out of the wedding party! Anyway…if you have any friends who are forgetting that this is YOUR DAY [I hope you don't have any like that] and cause problems during the wedding planning don’t be afraid to speak to her directly [and be blunt] about the issue and don’t be afraid to remove someone from your bridal party!!!!
I’ve been a bridesmaid in 5 weddings; therefore, I’ve been in a lot of wedding pictures. I have worn pretty much the SAME dress in black, pink, gold, and a dark teal…and the best pictures by far were those with the black dresses. And I had it cut off and wore it again - twice!
For my wedding I had the largest of my maids pick the style. It worked spectacularly. Plus I had one of those strange colors that doesn’t match anything but looks great on every skin tone!
Um, I am a huge fan of the Sunday Times Wedding section. Other than general headlines, it’s the first thing I read Sundays (online version). And I am not even close to getting married.
I think that is a great idea for dresses. I have been to too many wedding recently where the dresses were cute on just a portion of the bridesmaids. Much better to find styles that work individually for each girl and collectively look good. I dig black too, with maybe a ribbon or something with some color.
I was in my best friend’s wedding last summer and she let us pick the tops we wanted to wear. We all had to wear the same skirt, but the tops were our to choose. It was great because all the bridemaids were built differently. I highly recommend going that route!
Even though I don’t want to get married any time soon, I love reading all you guys’ wedding posts AND watching bride shows on TV. Tell us more!
Electric green.
Linen.
*sigh*
and it was my SISTER!
(at least i talked her out of ankle length and into T-lenght)
no advice to give.
I’ve been a bridesmaid, I’ve had them, and I’ll have them again, and I cannot reiterate how emphatically I feel about their dresses. You have to pick one that is either universally flattering (a-line with sleeves = boring) or pick a bunch of dresses that all come in the same color and the styles mesh well together that they can choose from. People are very particular about their flaws, and the last thing you need to worry about on the wedding day is how your bridesmaids are feeling, so let them choose themselves. And, you know, you want everyone to look good, but, let’s be honest, not as good as you.
I was a maid of honor for my uncle’s wedding before (the bride had no friends, go figure) and I had the ugliest dress on earth which was at least 3 sizes too big for me. And then she had my hair done into this MASSIVE beehive and had my makeup done really thick and gunky. I wore a dirty white dress with a really nasty red ribbon around my waist. It had a poofy skirt and it ended mid-calf. The top was off-shoulder and since it was too big, it was ballooning and the sleeves were dragging. Needless to say, she and I never became friendly. What’s the point? None, really, but if you don’t do all of the above, you’re like the best bride ever. And if they still complain about you, point them my way and I’ll show them my picture at that wedding.
I posted about exactly this issue recently, and I’m still torn between doing what you’re doing or even taking it a step further and just naming a color and letting them run with it. There’s only a maid of honor and two bridesmaids, so it won’t be that difficult for them. But they all have totally different body types so one matchy-matchy dress for everyone is definitely not an option.
Also, our wedding momentum has also slowed and I have been feeling equally unsure about whether/when it would pick up again. So I’m glad to hear about it from you. It’s great for me that you are a few months ahead of me on just about everything. It’s so reassuring.
Hi Clink,
I think the best way to be “bridesmaid-friendly” is to minimize the cost as much as possible. I ultimatly decided to just have my two best friends as my bridesmaids. I bought them black coctail dresses from Anthropologie and dressed it up with vintage jewelry. Your frends are going to enjoy being part of your wedding no matter what, but the less they have to spend on the dress, shoes, hair, nails and makeup, the more they will enjoy themselves, making it a happier experience for everyone.
oh weddings *sigh.dramylookinbarbie’seyes.*
i’ve been in a few weddings, and i can honestly say that is really sweet of you that you are looking into dresses that flatter.the best way you can go is be cost conscious….because all of us have that one bridesmaid dress that was over two hundred dollars that is long, and periwinke and hanging in the back of our closet NEVER TO BE WORN AGAIN ONLY TO REMIND US OF ALL THE $ spent. ahem.
go for simple, basic. and dress it up with shoes and jewelry, that way things can be wron again…and go for something that your bridesmaids don’t have to sign away their first born for.
that’s all i got. and you are going to be a LOVELY bride. yayyyyy weddings.
i meant “dreamy.” not drama. gahhhh.
Hey I found this through The Company Bitch too!
My experience buying a $250 seafoam/aquamarine curtain to wear as a bridesmaid’s dress was great. Got to look like a greenyblue sack of potatos, and then had a new garment to wax the car with! A tip: don’t choose dresses made of unalterable material in a grab bag of sizes, buy them, and then ask for reimbursement from your bridesmaids within the day.
My sister picked the line and the color and the material of the dress. But there were three styles to choose from so no matter the body-type, and there were many different ones, we each could find a dress that fit us perfectly.
Also, my best friend just chose simple - black cocktail dress. I will DEFINITELY wear it again. Good luck!
I went to a wedding last summer and the bridesmaid’s dresses were knee length, really pretty blue/green color, and not satin. I was looking through the pictures with the bride months later and it turns out they were from J.Crew! They were around $100 a piece and they looked great on everyone.
Also, I watch Bridezillas EVERY Sunday after football and my most favorite white-trash wedding of all is the episode where all the bridesmaids wore white wedding dresses–and the bride wore red. It was hideously hilarious.
Good luck!
You know, I really love the J. Crew wedding line. Their dresses all seem to flow together, and the colors (in my opinion) are fantastic.
This may make me a total wench, but I don’t care, I’m having the bride’s maid army. They are all wearing the same dress! Same color. However, I did go to David’s Bridal online and wasted 3 hrs, 3!!!! “building” my wedding party. Clink, you will become addicted. And they have the mix & match section, tops & bottoms. I put together several different options, and let the army vote. They are all very different body types and they all voted for the same dress, go figure. And because it’s 2 pieces, they can wear the top with fancy, slinky pants or even another skirt and the skirt can be paired with other things too.
Two of the girls in my party got married the same year, 3 months apart, they both chose the EXACT SAME DRESS, in 2 very different colors. I couldn’t dye the first dress to become the second, so another $250, down the drain.
FYI - if being in the Times is something you want, you should try and send in the announcement! I am not a lawyer or doctor or Wall Street type (though certainly lots of those get published), but mine got printed last year…I think they like a little diversity. Being from the NYC area certainly helps. They’re always looking for someone a little different.
Ah! I’ve heard of that multi style same colour idea. I vote hooray! I’m a bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding next summer- I’ll let you know if she does anything terrific (or terrible… but probably terrific)
Just wait to make promises to your bridesmaids until you can keep them. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding - a Vegas wedding, so it was a bit slapdash - where the bride said we could wear our own black dresses. But in the end, nobody’s black dress was “right,” so we all had to go out and buy new, long, approved black dresses. That would have been FINE (I have certainly gone out and bought worse bridesmaid dresses without a whisper of complaint), but it was a big let down after being told that we wouldn’t have to buy new dresses. If you want to give your bridesmaids options, pick the options first, then break the happy news.
i’ve got a few of those dresses that are never to be worn again. thankfully i’ve never spent $400 on one. glad to hear you understand the importance and difficulty of the bridesmaid dress. hope you find the perfect line!
I second Lynn Lugo. She has awesome stuff. I think my girls paid close to $300 not including alterations (gasp!) but we did get them on Newbury Street and I wasn’t going to sacrifice lovliness for hideousness. I paid for shipping charges…sigh. They were beautiful in those dresses.
I was actually in two weddings this summer, one which practiced the same dress, same style philosophy and another which practiced same color, same fabric, different style philosophy (a smart move on the bride’s part as we ranged from 5′2-6′ and reed thin to just had a baby.)
The dress I wore for the first wedding would have been perfect had the dressmaker not screwed it up - it was a two piece, which meant I could theoretically wear the top on its own or the bottom on its own, depending on the occasion. Had the top not been all screwy, I would have definitely worn the dress top out with some friends. The nice thing about two pieces is that there’s a lot of variety, it’s more flattering in a way, and it often looks like it’s a one piece.
I would probably recommend giving your bridal party the option to choose whatever pieces they want, given that it’s the same color. The second wedding used Impression Bridals and was able to provide a decent array. It was also well within my poor meager NYU grad student “I’m so in debt I have no idea how I’m ever going to get out of it” budget. Hope that helps!
I picked the color for my bridesmaids dressed (actually two colors - a two-tone thing). They had a blast picking out their own dresses and felt confident on the wedding day because of it. (Pictures looked great!)
Also - they’ve worn the dresses since then. The fabric was dye-able so one of my bridesmaids dyed it black and wore it to a holiday cocktail party. Brilliant.
And - just my two cents here - I LOVE chocolate with black. I think the brown pops against the black and looks amazing in black and white pics (the faces really emerge from the pics…).
Good luck to you!
Two words: Alfred Angelo. That’s who made the dresses my bride picked and they only cost us $120! That’s it! We all wore the same simple tea length dress and even though we ran the gamut from waif to more-to-love, everyone looked fabulous!
And I actually *did* wear mine again! They were red satin, strapless A-line dresses. I added a black belt and wore it to a dressed up Anti-Valentine’s day party. So there’s always potential for re-use if you’re creative.
Also, bridal party gift idea (also stolen from my bride): she paid for each of us to get our hair and make-up done the morning of the wedding. It was a nice gift and guaranteed that we all looked fabulous (especially people like me who had weird shortish hair and wouldn’t have known what to do with it ourselves!).
I was in a wedding where I wasn’t invited with a date. As a bridesmaid. In a wedding party full of married couples. The only single wedding party member. No date.
No good.