Just a few moments ago, one of my assistants – in response to an inquiry about what she’s doing for lunch – said “I had a big dinner last night and I’m still full.”
And that got me thinking about other things you will never, ever hear me say:
“I don’t really feel like Mexican tonight.”
“Eh, it’s okay that the DVR didn’t tape The Hills. I’m not that into it anyway.”
“My shoes don’t match my outfit but I’m okay with that.”
“Can I have these jeans in a size two? The size four is way too loose.”
“I’m most comfortable wearing a thong bikini.”
“You’re going to Starbucks? Nah, nothing for me, thanks.”
“It’s too cold in here. I can’t sleep.”
“I’m taking a break from TV and internet for a few days.”
“I wish we lived somewhere where it was winter all year round.”
“Oh, I’ll just whip something up with the things we already have in the fridge.”
“Yay! The gym!”
“I cut my hair really short, do you like it?”
“I totally forgot to eat today.”
“Baby, can we watch Bill O’Reilly tonight?”
“Ugh, How I Met Your Mother is not funny.”
“I’m okay with having thrown out all of my good jeans. Didn’t really bother me.”
“Thanks for the offer but I don’t really think I want to leave my job and write a book.”
“I’m like a camel, I never have to pee.”
“I can’t wait for this wedding to be over.”
So, what is something I will never hear you say?
Such Great Heights
Because everything looks perfect from far away.
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Actually, half of the things that you’ll never say.
But I’ll never say, “C, it’s Sunday. Let’s not only watch the Bears game today but let’s watch all 300 games at the nearby sports bar while digesting nachos and burgers and Guiness, oh my!”
No ice-cream for me, thanks!
Yours totally match mine. Especially “It’s too cold in here, I can’t sleep.” But also, you will never hear me say, “The purple is nice, but I’d rather have it in another color.”
Also, I feel the need to clarify that whenever you mention one of your assistants, I always wonder WHICH ONE. Seriously, it drives me crazy.
You will never hear me say- “McDonalds for breakfast? No thanks.” …frick i <3 their breakfast.
btw- IF you aren’t able to watch the Hills via tv, they have it online at tv.com- that’s how I watched it for the few weeks I was without cable
I can’t think of any for me but Husband has never said the phrase “No, you can’t have it” I’m so deliciously spoiled!
Although, I definitely agree with you’ll never hear me say I don’t have to pee. I really need to stop drinking huge ass coffees and draining my nalgene before 9am.
Jess: Why it was the Evil One, OF COURSE.
I don’t really feel like pizza tonight.
I don’t really care if these jeans make my ass look fat.
I’m going to stop plucking my eyebrows.
Manicures make me feel like shit.
I hate Christmas time.
I never want to read Clink’s blog ever again.
I’m with you on: 1,4,7,8,11,12 and 17. Oh, God, 17.
Also:
Please, don’t rub my shoulders.
Panera Bread? No, I’ll pass.
I really don’t need another sweater.
I really don’t need another cat.
Don’t buy me any more jewelry, honey.
I really don’t need a bigger solitaire!
I wish my blog wasn’t so popular.
I have enough pens.
This is such a fun post, Clink!
I really shouldn’t buy that new purse. I have enough already.
Another comment? I hate reading those things.
I could live without the internet for a few days.
Clancy, don’t worry about getting me a Valentine’s Day gift this year.
The “It’s too cold in here, I can’t sleep” is a good one, but so is “I had a really big dinner last night and I’m still full”. Umm, yeah…you really should see a doctor about that.
You’ll also never hear me say:
“Oh its ok, I get by on very little sleep.”
“Ugh, not another nap!”
“Please pass the brussel sprouts.”
“I forgot to eat today.”
“We don’t want kids.”
“You’re right, babe, living together is just as good as being married.”
“We don’t need a bigger apartment.”
No wine for me, I don’t drink.
love.this.post.
do i want a ride? nah, I’d rather take public transit.
you know, i don’t really feel like dessert
shoe schmoo sale. i don’t care.
so uhh…will you go out with me?
mom…i have a crush on this guy. (seriously. i still can’t talk to her about stuff like that)
Pass me the vegetables.
Hehe, this made me giggle. You’re so cute! ‘YaY! The gym!’ Literally made me laugh out loud.
Other ones of mine:
*Mac and Cheese? Nah, I’d rather not. Cheese is SO fattening anyway!
*Cats are so boring anyway, let’s get a dog.
*We have Red Lobster EVERY time we go out, let’s try something new.
*No, honey. I don’t feel like it tonight. I’m too tired anyway.
*Please don’t talk to me about your wedding plans. I’m SO not interested.
Great post!
A few of mine are:
“I should really cancel my phone’s text package…I never use it.”
“I can’t eat another piece of sushi”
“I’d rather not take my vacation this year”
“Playing fetch with my silly cat [yes, cat!] is just no fun anymore”
“No thanks babe, I’m so tired of having sex.”
Haha love the post.
Some of mine…
-You know, I don’t really like chocolate.
-George Clooney….eh hes ok.
-I don’t need this ipod anymore
-I hate this sun, will it please rain?
-What’s food?
-That trip to the caribbean/beach/warm place sounds AWEFUL. Please count me out.
-I LOVE FIT! And the fact that i have gone to school for 7 and a half years.
-Have you met my pet turantula/other form of spider?
-I am sooooo organized.
-Oh honey, I don’t want diamonds. Cubic zirconium will be just fine.
Yeah, aernyc, all those(especially the clooney one) and:
- Let’s skip Grey’s and go to the gym.
-I’ll have the Diet Coke please.
-Raise? I don’t need no stinkin raise!
-I don’t NEED another pair of shoes/boots.
-Maid? Who wants a maid? I LOVE to Clean!
-I have too many clothes.
Almost everything you said, except wedding stuff because I am ridiculously single…
But others might be:
I really feel like putting in a long, hard day at work today.
I don’t want to devour/inhale/scarf an entire bag of Chex Mix/Funyuns/pretzels if they are in front of me, even if I am full already.
I don’t feel the need to finish every single plate of food in front of me because there are starving people in [insert name of 3rd world country]
Internet shopping is the worst invention of this day and age because it allows me to shop 24 hours a day, even at work.
I couldn’t possibly eat another Pinkberry!
- You’re right, Michael. I don’t need any more shoes.
- I just love waking up to an alarm clock!
- People with B.O. smell so good!
- We have dirty laundry? Score! I can’t wait to wash, dry and fold it all night long!
- I don’t feel like pizza tonight.
- Why yes, future mother in law, I’d love to go to Bible study with you.
Almost everything you said, except wedding stuff because I am ridiculously single…
But others might be:
I really feel like putting in a long, hard day at work today.
I don’t want to devour/inhale/scarf an entire bag of Chex Mix/Funyuns/pretzels if they are in front of me, even if I am full already.
I don’t feel the need to finish every single plate of food in front of me because there are starving people in [insert name of 3rd world country]
Internet shopping is the worst invention of this day and age because it allows me to shop 24 hours a day, even at work.
I couldn’t possibly have another Pinkberry!
Most of what you said.
Also, “Ben? Jerry? Nah . . . never cared too much for them.”
basically everything that you’ve spoken said. you know, being that we’re on the same brain waves and all. oh, and this:
“why no m, we really shouldn’t pick up another bottle of riesling. i don’t care if we have four in the cabinet.”
spoken said? hi, i’m blogging barbie and have officially developed my own language/grammar.
“Hire me on the spot? oh no thanks I want the interview.”
“I actually think cellulite is cute!”
I love doing laundry.
Let’s get up and go to work early today.
I hate ice cream.
I never eat chocolate.
I love myself a hangover.
Can’t wait for my pap smear!
“Lauren Graham back on weekly TV? Ewwwwww.”
The Mexican food one. For example, I had a burrito for lunch and for dinner I’ll be eating a taco with chips and guac.
“Well, that’s an easy decision”
“Did I receive your email? I don’t know, I haven’t checked my inbox in a while”
“I’ve never heard of that, but it sounds tasty”
“I wish I had remembered to bring my camera!”
“God, I wish these kids wouldn’t take such a long nap.”
“Milkshakes? Again? I couldn’t possibly.”
“This is just too sweet (or too rich).”
“I don’t really need Dish TV and DVR, I mean, what do I really watch on TV anyway? As long as I have PBS, I’m fine.”
“I can’t believe that cheesy show Las Vegas is back for another season.”
You’ll never hear me say…
“Can we eat anything but sushi?”
“No, I don’t want to get a dog.”
“Yes! It’s going to be 90 degrees and humid today! Wahoo!”
“I love riding public transportation.”
“I would be more than happy to come into the office this weekend.”
“I’ve been looking forward to cleaning the bathroom all week!”
A lot of what you said plus…
No thanks, I don’t eat sweets.
I love to wake up early.
Let me clean the house while you sit and relax.
No, I don’t want a Chai Latte.
I don’t feel like a hamburger.
I love the mystery of not knowing what the future holds.
I have to say that there was one time that I was still full from dinner. Now, I love food and hardly ever pass up a chance to eat something yummy unless I am super sick. However, my BF and I went to this insanely good restaurant and indulged in a 9 course meal and as much wine as we could drink. I have never been so full in my life. The food was absolutely divine and I would go there again in a heartbeat and be happy to be full the next day.
I’ll pass on the red wine, but I’ll have glass of water.
(I’m drunk on red wine right now, actually)
“Justin Timberlake? He’s mildly attractive.”
“Ya know? I’ve been thinking I don’t mind the Yankees so much.”
“But I’ve already seen My Best Friends Wedding!”
“I can’t believe it’s Friday already. This week flew!”
“Nope, no margaritas for me.”
“Yes, I do think your boyfriend is hotter than mine.”
I like this one–I could go on forever!
Wow, so many good ones have been said (especially involving mexican food.) I’ll just add one that happens to be on my mind lately…
“I really think a housekeeper is a waste of money when I can clean the tub myself.”
This post is the most awesomest, you almost need to have a similar one every week, like a friday edition…
as for some of mine, add all of yours and 99% of the above along with:
- no honey, no more foot massages for me.
- sure we can get married in Vegas.
- I couldn’t possibly work only 3 days a week!
- I like paying for all the groceries.
- I think i look too skinny today.
- I think i will give up coffee FOREVER…
I love coffee, can I please get another cup?
God, I have SO MUCH money! Whatever am I going to do with it all?
I don’t need any more clothes, I have way too many.
I never want to get married - I’d like to be single forever.
Christmas sucks. So does my birthday. Actually, I hate all holidays and time off from work.
Hangovers make my body feel so great and healthy!
“Oh, no thank you, I couldn’t possibly eat any more gummi bears!”
in addition to all of yours (minus wedding stuff because like Samantha I too am “ridiculously single”…)
“Really, I think I have too many shoes.”
“Ryan Gosling is *so* overrated.”
“No thanks. I had my one drink and now I’m going home.”
“Jogging at 6am? Great!”
“What? Oh, I hadn’t even looked at the desert menu.”
“Friday night? Sorry, I already have a date…”
Most of your list and…
No thanks, I don’t need any more wine.
I’m not really in the mood for sushi.
But I just watched When Harry Met Sally. Pick something else.
It’s cool, I don’t mind working late.
“Baby, I’m really not in the mood tonight.”
I still feel so bad about your jeans - this post cracked me up though…..
“Sale at the Barney’s outlet? No, I’ll stay home and do laundry.”
“I like not having an office at work. It’s soothing to be tapped on the shoulder ever 15 minutes.”
“I would never eat an entire pint of ice cream while driving home from the grocery store.”
“If we sleep together, you can pretend like you don’t know me the next time you see me out, it won’t hurt me.”
“This ocean view from my bedroom is getting old.
Oh, and:
“My credit ccards are paid off!”
“No thanks, my shoulder have been rubbed enough for today.”
“Can I get that sandwich/pasta/anything without cheese?”
“Early to bed, early to rise– that’s me!”
I’m just going to say that I love that you need to watch the hills. That show is like a cocaine addiction, I love it, yet I’m ashamed. At least… that’s how I assume a cocaine addiction works.
Clink, I’m worried. No wedding update? No jeans update? No Birthday rehash? No evil intern stories?
Is my browser just locked on this post and I’m not getting any updates?