It’s Sunday night and I’m trying to tune out the World Series, especially because I have to go to Boston next week for business and Boston - for a Yankee fan - will be unbearable if and when the Red Sox clinch.
(Tangent: there is, however, a restaurant called Clink (!) in Boston, so, really, Boston and I, we’ll be okay.)
Thursday’s post felt good. You know, I initially wrote it a few days after it actually happened but it languished in my drafts folder for almost a month before I was ballsy enough to post it.
That sounds dramatic. It’s just a post, right?
It used to be, back when I wrote first, thought second.
I don’t know when that changed.
I went through my archives this weekend, mainly to do some cleaning up (five people used to read this blog, two of whom I eventually met in real life and thus I was much more liberal with certain details). I ended up both creating a Favorites tab and being a little bit shocked at my honesty (hi, I’m Clink and I used to have pregnancy scares slash not eat slash ONCE GOT MY PERIOD ALL OVER M’S BOXERS and wow, um, he still wants to marry me?).
I miss that. It’s not that I haven’t been honest lately - I’ve just censored myself a bit. The “bad” or the “not so pretty” has gone unwritten or unposted. I’ve made up the difference with wedding posts (another tab, created this weekend, brought to you by Spare Time and Lots of It) and “what dress should I buy?” posts, when, really, I was dying to get some things off my chest.
Things like, um, the world doesn’t rain a constant parade of sunshine and fairy dust on you when you get engaged. Life is still hard, relationships are still hard, living together is HARD, balance is perhaps hardest of all.
I’m not as insane as I used to be, I don’t think. Mainly because of this blog, because of this outlet, because of the support that has come via Such Great Heights. So why did I stop? When I’m feeling insane, why wouldn’t I write about it? It’s pretty obvious that writing about it? Helps.
I used to not care about being judged. I mean, the harsh comments and the harsh emails hurt then and they hurt now (and it kills me to type that because knowledge of that creates even more power in the hands of the anonymous) but I know I’m going to rub some people the wrong way and I have to be okay with that. The like me! Like me! Like me! aspect of my personality has never been my favorite trait and it really needs to just shut the hell up. I mean, I don’t necessarily like every person behind every blog that I read and there’s no Blog Constitution out there saying that I have to. The same goes for people who read my blog - they don’t have to like me. Hell, for all I know, the 98% of you who don’t comment might just come here to make yourselves feel better because whew, at least I’m not as crazy as her.
So more honesty, is the point of this long-winded exercise in distraction (Dear Colorado, Please score. Love, Clink). Less self-censorship. Less fearing what anyone thinks. Less diluting myself into someone whose life revolves around pretty dresses and her pretty wedding. There’s that part of me, sure, but there’s also the part of me that crawled into bed at 6pm on Friday night, pulled the covers over my head and sobbed for two hours, for no reason and every reason at all.
I’m that girl too.
I’m really glad you wrote that. A friend and I were talking about how things always look greener on the other side, and it’s refreshing to have someone talk about how it’s not always fun and sunshine, but it’s the getting through part that makes it so much more special.
I say this as a reader and as someone who is learning to get through her own new situations.
I read because you are every bit as crazy as I am.. and it helps to know that there are more of me!!
I keep fighting with this issue too, and it hurts terribly when people are harsh with their comments.. but I am glad you decide to plough on with less self-censorship..
<3.
I heart your blog, especially the older entries, because you let it all out, the good, the ugly, the bad. The good brightens my day, but the ugly and the bad makes me feel…loved, because you’re willing to share and it helps me know that I’m not the only one who screws up or have bad days.
Here’s the thing. I almost feel like I know you, and I totally think we’d be friends if we actually knew each other. I feel bad when my friends feel bad, but I’d hate to think that they wouldn’t tell me when they feel bad because they didn’t want to be judged. Let it out! Those of us who love you won’t judge you, and those that will can bite me.
Wow, Clink, what a great post. More power to you. It takes a lot to put yourself out there and (try) not to worry about what other people think. I’m toying with starting a blog and even before I’ve decided on a title or a URL (or have any actual readers!), I worry about what people are going to think about me. For you to have an established readership and still come to the decision to be honest takes guts, and I admire you for that. I’m glad, in the end, the benefits of putting yourself out there outweigh the ‘not-so-goods’ for you…because I totally understand how therapeutic writing can be, and ’cause I love your blog and would hate to see anything happen to it!
And don’t worry too much about how “crazy” you think you are; I think you’d find there are plenty of us that go through the same things. I’m always too embarrassed to fill in the silly “When did you last cry?” question on the silly memes I get sent. More often than not the answer would be “today” or “yesterday” - and, usually, it really is over “no reason and every reason at all” (that was a beautiful way of putting it, btw).
Sorry that ended up being so long!
I read your blog because it is refreshing real. Based on what you write, you and I are two completely different people but I keep reading because it’s nice to read something that feels honest. Keep it up!
Everyone I know (including myself) wants everyone to like them. I don’t know anyone who genuinely doesn’t care. Or, to be more accurate, I don’t think I would care to know someone who really doesn’t care. It’s a part of all of us.
I think that all of us have a little bit of what we think is “crazy”, but when you put it out there, you find that it’s WAY more common than you thought. It’s kind of cathartic to let it all out, once you allow yourself to do so. And then it’s even more cleansing to find that other people feel the exact same way.
I think this blog is spectacular..and based on the number of commenters that you have (let alone those who just lurk) clearly you have a voice that people can relate to.
That was a crazy long comment- thanks for your forebearance!
I love your writing style (please put out book!) Thanks for all the great free entertainment. Best wishes
Wow, a few ‘long’ comments. I guess this topic is a good ‘n.
I read your blog because I heart you. Because you inspire me to be better. And because your insights into things are so wonderful.
But not even a little because I think you’re crazy. If you’re crazy, then there isn’t a sane one among us.
clink! i’m in boston and (okay this will sound weird) everytime i go to that cute new bar/restaurant at the liberty hotel i think of you!
you should definitely stop by for a drink!
and yes, i’m a fellow yankee fan. it’s painful living here.
What I love most about you is your honesty. I say write what you want, anon commenters be damned. You’re pretty bad ass, I think you can take it. If not, I know Molly probably has a bat. She could totally off some anon commenters for you. Just sayin’.
yay! I applaud you. I was pretty relieved to read your last post. xo jen
I completely understand censoring yourself. It seems to happen naturally as traffic grows.
Also, Bostonians are going to be complete insufferable for months. You gotta hope that my Colts put a beating on the Patriots.
I think blogging goes in cycles. Like ruts you fall into that go unnoticed until you look at the past. Sometimes posting can be superficial but it’s what we need to do at the time.
We all get back on track sooner or later.
I <3 your blog, I rarely comment but I love reading it. And you should NOT censor yourself, it’s your blog and you should write whatever the hell you want! Also, about those people that send you hate email - that is SO pathetic - the fact that they apparently hate your blog but still read it and even waste time emailing you? - yeah totally pathetic.
Also, I’m SO glad you’re not gonna use your wedding stuff to not write about other things - it’s not that I don’t want to hear about your wedding - I do! it’s just that I stopped coming here a little while ago to read because every post was about the wedding. But I hope that now you’ll feel more comfortable writing about other stuff, too.
beccalynn said it well. thanks clink, it was a beautiful post…and again; if you are crazy then is the rest of the female population crazy too?? cause i know we have all been there at one time or another.
well i don’t know about all those anonymous people you’re referring to, but i heart you!
and i think we all censor stuff like that out for one reason or another. whether our blog is completely anonymous or not. it’s the mere fact of admitting things aren’t always as sunshiny as they seem. but that’s ok. that’s what life is all about. the sunshine and the rain.
I come here for the honesty and the raw, true emotion. You were definitely more crazy in 05 than you are now, but so was I. I get it. I appreciate it and I respect it. So do a lot of your readers.
Clink, I heart you. Great, beautiful post. And just so you know, I hit subscribe when I read the jealousy posts. Particularly the one written to girls who find you searching for answers to jealous question.
Again, heart you. The real you.
Sigh. I love you and you’re awesome and that’s all I need to say.
I agree with pretty much everything said above. Your blog is great - not because it’s perky and blissful all the time, but because it’s real. I completely agree with what Iris posted. When you share the bad stuff with your readers, it brings them closer. We love you Clink - and you don’t have to be perfect all the time
On another note, I too am in mourning re: the BoSox World Series win. Torture. Between that, the Torre news, and now A-Rod opting out? Lil is rather sad this Monday morning. Ironically enough, I will be in Boston next week on business too (we are so in sync you and I lol) and am dreading every bit of it. Eve’s boyfriend…wait, FIANCE!…is a member of the Red Sox Nation, so I’m sure I will have to deal with jibes all week long.
Hi Clink,
I’ve been a reader for a few months but this is my first comment. I love your blog because you and I seem to be going through much of the same things. My fiance and I got engaged about a month after you and M, and we moved in together shortly before the engagement. So far, it has been mostly sunshine and roses - he is more wonderful than I could ever ask for. But we had our first big fight this weekend over what I guess I can classify as a “balancing” issue. I put my friends before him Saturday night and he is rightfully so hurt. An engagement, living together… those are all such huge steps but it can be easy to revert back to the person you were for so long before him. I am wrecked knowing that I hurt him but your words have made me feel better and given me some hope. I’m glad to hear someone else say these changes can be tough. Thanks for putting this out there. I appreciate it more than you know.
Just remember that the crazy is what brought us together!
A lot of times I don’t write as honestly as I should because I am closer to my readers now. It doesn’t make sense but hey I never said I wasn’t still mental.
I’ll stick by you during the hard times if you do the same for me.
Hi. I love you. The end.
Blogs are better when you don’t write for an audience. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone.
Our faults are what make us real, genuine, and unique. Love fills in the cracks and crevices.
A few months I had a brief crisis in my head about how I didn’t post honest enough stuff. And then I changed my mind, and started writing a lot more openly, and my readership shot up. People like the honest stuff, I guess. Cause we can all relate to that girl.
I think you are fabulous and I do not judge. I started reading you because of your honesty. When we are all honest about ourselves and our lives- everything is not sunshine and roses. Don’t get me wrong- things are pretty great as a newlywed- but The Crazy didn’t magically disappear when I became a Mrs.
MY need to feel connected to other young women like myself who feel the same things and go through the same things and arn’t perfect but are perfectly lovely keeps me here.
<3!
(despite the fact you are a yankees fan… GO SOX!)
(oh, and if you want some suggestions for Boston let me know, i live close)
You know, I saw a boat this weekend called “Clink” and I thought of you. Rowers must love your site as much as I do.
You are fabulous. We all go through stages (i’m going through an “I have nothing important to post about so lets talk about nothing” phase) but as long as you’re true to yourself thats all that matters. You are actually the reason why i decided to start blogging again, it was so inspiring to read about someone else my age going through similar things! I heart you.
PS its really really really really hard for me to withhold the THE RED SOX WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahem. Did i say that outloud? Oops.
I am just preparing you for your trip to boston because its going to be EVERYWHERE.
i’m proud of you clink.
and i think that’s all i need to say. heart you.
xo, bb
you’re right. you get engaged, and every movie, and every story you ever hear, makes you think that it’ll all be roses and laughs. but it’s tough. it’s tough trying to merge things together. my fiance and i recently split up (about a week ago), and while i hope that we can work things out since we still love each other very much, you just don’t expect it to be quite as hard as it is when you are moving in and getting engaged. i think it’s good to tell people that, instead of keeping it hidden. it’s good to let the crazy out, cause even though there may be the occasional ass who has something mean to say, the majority of people probably feel just like that at some point or another. and not only are they supportive, but they are understanding. and it can make others feel just a little less crazy since they aren’t the only one going through it.
That was such an honest post Clink. I love that you can be yourself, good and bad, and we’ll still LOVE you and read your blog and comment and support you.
You got your period all over M’s boxers? Cripes.
I’ve found myself censoring out the bad a bit lately, too. Or the stuff that makes me less likable. I WANT my readers to like me! There was a point where I was going to not post something because it might be controversial and I thought people might get offended (it’s the one from a couple weeks ago when I said fat people should lose weight). I think even if you bugged me I might keep reading either out of interest or because I really like the writing style- so let the honesty roll!
I go through these cycles… I’m incredibly honest for a while and then something happens (someone I don’t want reading my blog finds it, I get a mean comment, whatever…) and I find myself keeping things in and just writing about the light and fluffy. I think it’s only natural to want to protect yourself to an extent. I mean, we’re writing about our LIVES on the INTERNET–that is really kind of crazy! I can only speak for myself when I say that I will never judge your life based on your blog, but I think most of your readers would probably say the same thing. (And most of them already have!)
I like the new wedding tab thingy =).
Also, I’m trying to catch up on the archives, which is weird because I read your current posts, but I’m still at November ‘06, so I already know what the future holds.
I like the honesty because when you have your really crazy moments there are many times that I can relate.
Everyone has ups and downs, sometimes we want to let people in to comfort us, and other times we can’t. I just like finding out and knowing that we are all so similar.
bravo…this is a fantastic post. i love your blog and your writing, regardless of what you write about.
The fact that you have balls enough to put yourself out there just makes me heart you more, especially now that I’ve decided I just can’t do it. You’ve got balls, girl. I admire and respect that.
it’s funny that you wrote this because i actually found myself poking through and then eventually pouring over your archives earlier this weekend and loved how open, honest and real it all was. it made me envy you for having an anon. blog and also for being able to write so well about your life without bullshit or pretense.
i get the desire to hold back. it is hard to reveal things that people might not like/understand. but i would say, judging by these comments - most do/will.
haha i always precede my ‘bad’ with a disclaimer (in case you’ve noticed) I’ve got a severe case of the like me’s! too…
but what you say is v. true. and I think I’m just starting to get the hang of it - that its MY blog and YOUR problem if you don’t like it. Hopefully more people do than don’t.
I heart you.
clink, i found your blog exactly a week ago via a google search for something alarmingly similar to “gorgeous ex-girlfriend his.” i loved that post, and what you said, but more than that i loved getting to know you through this blog. i’d say that you were instrumental in saving me from making some monumental mistakes in my relationship, but you didn’t, really; you just gave me the courage, by example, to sift the bad from the good, and to know that it’ll all work out o.k. i love how open and honest you’ve been, and i hope that you’ll keep it up!
I’m a new writer-reader, got here through Lisa’s blog…and was snooping around a bit (don’t mind now do you?)…
Like what you write and how you write it…will tag you for future stalking…:)
The thing that attracted me to your blog is your honesty. I love reading your posts, no matter what they are about. You are such a great writer and even your posts about what dress to pick have so much feeling. It takes a lot of guts to write honestly and to try to ignore rude people.
On a different note, I started a blog if you want to check it out. http://ttcmb.wordpress.com/
It’s good to let it out, you know? Sometimes I miss your old ranting posts. They were really funny and endearing because they were so real. Sometimes I thought you were nuts, but nuts in the best sense of the word. You didn’t seem to hold back at all.
Don’t get me wrong; I like your posts now, too. But before that post about your recent argument with M., I was beginning to wonder if you guys entered some secret world of engagement bliss that B. and I had yet to discover.
Anyway, keep it up! Whatever “it” is. I’ll be reading!
i know i already commented, but i had to again, because what daily editor said is oh so true. i was all like, really? roses magic fairy dust and bliss? because hi, we’ve dicussed our M’s age diff and how we met and blah blha blah and there are some similar factors and i’m all like hmm….clinky has the perfect life with m she never has troubles about that stuff anymore. really, i did. i was just thinking that the other day.
but you should know it’s those posts clinky that inspired me to write, my dearest blogging big sis. but you know that. either way, your writing is wonderful, and i’m not going anywhere. as a reader or a friend.
and yes, i’m still proud of you and think you rock. heart.
I think you’re awesome and just as crazy as the rest of us- that’s why we love you so much!
Except for the whole thing about how you don’t like the Red Sox- now THAT is serious crazies!! I’m so happy they won! hehe