Confessions January 8, 2008

I have a crush on Anthony Bourdain.

One of my co-workers is eating lunch at 11am and it something pasta-y and tomato-y and I just want to dive over the desks and start shoving it in my mouth and wash it down with handfuls of parmesan cheese.

M and I got into a “heated debate” last night about some social issues and sometimes I forget that we are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Forgetting is easier than acknowledging.

I’m going to a spinning class tonight with a friend of mine. I haven’t been to spinning in about two months. I’m terrified.

I had chocolate chips last night, a huge step in the right direction. I counted out exactly sixteen (because sixteen = 70 calories) and then felt terribly guilty about eating them, which means I still have a ways to go.

This weather makes me think “hmm, if I lived in California then I could have this all the time, and not just two random freak days in January.”

While exiting the subway this morning, there was a blind man in front of me. I was worried about him crossing the street, but I was hella late for work so I had to rush past him. I kept turning around to check on him, but I still felt really guilty that I didn’t stop to help.

I can be such a bitch. Example: I think most of the women I work with dress like they’re homeless but, on the plus side, it makes me feel like the cutest girl in the office.

I still haven’t tipped all of my doormen for the holidays. I can’t even look them in the eye when I walk in the building. I am such a procrastinator.

My dad and I haven’t been talking much lately, after a blow-up just before Christmas. Essentially: he spent $16,500 on a pair of earrings for my mother and I felt that a) he was buying her off for being such a workaholic and b) are you fucking kidding? That is a fucking ridiculous sum to spend on anything that is not an engagement ring and return them, IMMEDIATELY. I told him that she’d appreciate time with him more than flashy earrings. In sum: my family is not perfect.

M and I discussed living in another part of the world once he is officially a lawyer; I am all for it. I want to stock up on new experiences before we have children.

We received a Christmas card from the whore that M used to work with. The good: it was sent to his former address, meaning that she has no idea he moved because they haven’t been in contact at all. The bad: it was just addressed to him - she still pretends like I don’t exist; it stirred up a bit of the Crazy that I haven’t felt in quite a while.

I hate this job. I can’t wait to go back to my old boss in February.

Anything you want to confess?